Finding Courage to Stay Open When Bad Things Happen: Balancing the Risks of Control with the Rewards of Freedom
Introduction
Life is unpredictable, and despite our best efforts, bad things can and do happen. This week I found myself grappling with a vast array of emotions following the abduction and subsequent safe return of a young girl in our close-knit community. Whether it’s the possibility of a school shooting, abduction, or another unspeakable tragedy, our society and media are rife these days with worst-case scenarios for us to ponder.
While my immediate mama-bear reaction may be to put my kids in a bubble to keep them safe forever, I know that’s not the answer, nor possible. Statistically speaking, the likelihood of these horrific occurrences is so small, unlike the impact of a hyper-controlled life ruled by fear, the implications of which are vast. I’ve been listening inwardly to understand my own threshold of control vs. freedom, trying to come to terms with how to find balance.
In this blog post, we’ll explore considerations for consciously choosing to stay open when bad things happen, making peace with the inevitable uncertainties of life, and striking a balance between freedom and control. Whether you're a parent worrying about your child's safety, an individual navigating the twists and turns of life, or both, one thing is certain: you can't protect yourself or your loved ones from every possible danger. Risk is an inherent part of being human, and it's how we make peace within ourselves with these risks that truly matters.
The Perils of Constricting Control and Inherent Risk
Considerations:
1. Accepting the Inherent Risk of Being Human
Perhaps it’s obvious – the first step towards staying open when bad things happen is acknowledging and accepting that risk is an inherent part of being human. We cannot protect ourselves or our loved ones from every possible danger. Life is full of uncertainties, and trying to control every aspect of it is not only impossible but can also lead to pervasive anxiety and stress.
2. Understanding Your Comfort Threshold
Getting to know your own risk comfort threshold is important. Each of us has a different level of tolerance for risk and uncertainty. Some people are naturally more cautious, while others are more adventurous. Don't try to conform to someone else's idea of what is safe or acceptable; instead, honor your own instincts and boundaries. Are you able to embrace the potential downside of a risk for the potential upside of the reward? It may help to ask yourself honestly – if the worst case scenario were to occur, could I forgive myself knowing I did the best I could to avoid it, that I chose to embrace living daily life openly and without fear?
3. Planning for the Worst, Hoping for the Best
Since it’s impossible to shield ourselves completely from every danger, it's wise to plan for and discuss worst-case scenarios, at an age-appropriate level of detail. Discuss contingency plans so you feel you’ve done your best. These discussions can give us a sense of control and security. By preparing for these situations, you can feel like you've done the best you can to protect yourself and your loved ones.
4. Avoiding Unnecessary Exposure to Risk
While it's crucial to embrace the unpredictability of life, it's also important to act mindfully to avoid unnecessary exposure to risk. Make informed decisions and take precautions when necessary. For instance, you might advise your child to remain close to you in public or make it a rule that they travel in groups. This approach allows you to strike a mindful balance between embracing the adventure of being out and about while taking the necessary steps to protect yourself or your family from potential harm.
5. The Limits of Constricting Control
Constricting control, driven by fear, limits the possibilities of growth, joy, and adventure that humans are here to experience. When we tightly grip the reins of our lives or the lives of those around us, we inadvertently stifle the very essence of what it means to be alive. We become trapped in a narrow corridor of existence, missing out on the vast expanse of opportunities that life presents.
EMBRACING FREEDOM AND OPENNESS
CONSIDERATIONS
1. Embracing the Freedom of Growth
True growth often occurs beyond the boundaries of our comfort zones. It's in those uncharted territories of life where we discover our strengths, learn invaluable lessons, and experience moments of profound joy and adventure. By embracing freedom over constricting control, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities.
2. The Joy of Unpredictability
Life's unpredictability is often what makes it so beautiful. Think about the moments in your life that have brought the most joy and fulfillment. Chances are, many were unexpected, spontaneous, and beyond your control. By relinquishing excessive control and allowing room for spontaneity, you invite more of these joyful moments into life.
3. Adventure as a Path to Self-Discovery
Adventure is not just about exploring far-off places; it's also about exploring the depths of your own being. When you release the grip of control, you invite adventure into your life in various forms. Adventure fosters personal growth, resilience, and a deeper connection to the world around you. This is traded when control and fear take hold.
4. The Essence of Being Human
As humans, we are inherently curious beings. We are here to experience the richness of life in all its facets, from the mundane to the extraordinary. Constricting control may offer a false sense of security, but it robs us of the authentic human experience—an experience that is meant to be filled with exploration, connection, growth, and the unbridled joy of embracing the unknown.
5. Energetic Alignment
Acknowledging the role of energetic alignment in our lives is crucial. Everything happens energetically before it happens physically. A mind focused on control often begets fear-inducing experiences, while a mind focused on love and openness begets love-inspiring ones. Consciously choosing a perspective of openness and love can lead to a more positive and open-minded life, enabling you to openly embrace the spectrum of experiences available in the world.
A Note on Silver Linings
One of the most profound aspects of dealing with adversity and difficult situations is the possibility of silver linings, even in the most challenging circumstances. When we face distressing events, it's natural to want to understand the "why," but sometimes, that answer may never come. However, we can choose to focus on the possibility of positive outcomes and lessons that may emerge from such experiences:
1. Building Community: Tragic events often bring communities together in a remarkable way. People rally to support each other, offer help, and show solidarity. The sense of unity and collective strength that arises from adversity can be a powerful force for good.
2. Preventing Future Tragedies: The experience of one ordeal may serve as a deterrent to potential predators lurking in the wings. When they see the community's determination to protect its members and the consequences faced by those who commit such crimes, it may make them think twice before acting on their harmful intentions.
3. Rediscovering Joy: In the midst of despair, the return of a missing person, safe and sound, can be a cause for immense joy and celebration. It reminds us that, even in the darkest moments, there is room for hope, happiness, community and positive surprises.
4. Learning for the Future: Investigations into incidents with happy endings can provide invaluable insights for law enforcement and organizations working to prevent abductions, find missing children or otherwise. Analyzing the details of how these crimes are carried out can lead to improved strategies and better outcomes for future or open cases.
Conclusion
Staying open when bad things happen is a delicate dance between freedom and control, fear and love. It requires understanding your comfort threshold, planning for the worst while remaining focused on the best, and making a conscious choice to align with openness and possibility for the value of what it brings to life.
While we can't control every outcome and we may never fully understand the reasons behind tragic events, we can choose how to respond and how life experience shapes us. We can focus on the best actions we can take to remain safe without excessive control, so we may embrace the full spectrum of human emotions, from the depths of despair to the thrill of adventure and the deep well of joy that can spring from living with an open heart. Ultimately, by choosing freedom and love over fear and control, we not only honor the essence of being human but also unlock the boundless potential for growth, joy, and adventure that this unique journey offers.