Are You Trying to Conceive After a Loss?

My story may offer hope…

Today is the anniversary of my family becoming a complete party of 4. (It’s my daughter’s birthday.)

After having a surprise cesarean birth with my 1st and then enduring 2 losses before conceiving again, I had a VBAC delivery with her. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. 

Looking back I wonder how I had the courage to not opt for a surgical birth when my age and prior history of loss suggested we could be “high-risk”. 

And then I remember.

In the months prior to her conception and birth, amongst various other healing, grounding, self-loving activities, I had…

• planted a garden for the first time (occupying my mind w/learning about things other than pregnancy, and feeding myself evidence I capable of nurturing life)

• begun my own at home yoga + meditation practices (staying connected inwardly on a daily basis)

• taken measures to heal gut/fungal issues that had plagued my entire life (enhancing my overall wellbeing and nervous system load)

You may notice these were not fertility-focused activities specific to upping my chances of conceiving! They were measures that increased my vitality, overall balance/wellbeing and self-and connection, such that I could ask within and find answers to questions needing answers. 

THIS is how I got pregnant. I was able to conceive and have a relatively peaceful pregnancy and birth, DESPITE the lingering presence of uncertainty from the cesarean and losses I’d experienced. 

That stuff was still there, of course – it always will be – those experiences had simply been integrated into the story of my life, such that I was able to move forward writing it from a place of desire, not fear.

The uncertainty no longer had the power to sway me to doubt myself, because I was connected enough to hear from within what served me.

I kept going when things were dark and hard and scary and maddening, because I wanted to have 2 babies, and I wasn’t ready to give up. And now my world is lighter and easier and more fun and joyful, BECAUSE OF THE PATH I TOOK HERE.

So to my youngest daughter I will always be grateful, both for the honor and privilege of knowing her as her mother, and for the gift she gave me of knowing myself.